The Ten Archetypes of Glamour

The Ten Archetypes of Glamour
by Peter Forestell

Rejected from: McSweeney's Internet Tendency

1. A bottle of red dillies cast like bones over a portrait of Jackie O 

2. A small dog nipping at the heels of a man servicing a trick

3. The concept of a blonde on a bum trip

4. A wimple worn with a shaved head underneath

5. Karen Carpenter playing the drums in a canary yellow tea gown

6. A succubus on a food-shame spiral

7. Marie Curie’s radioactive cookbooks

8. Une grosse bite dans mon cul

9. A camellia-loving Queen Mother pickled in Beefeater gin

10. The ashes of Nancy Regan’s incinerated corpse scattered to the four winds

Proposed Articles That Were Promised a Response but Never Even Got a Follow-Up Email