Preliminary Assembly Instructions for an IKEA MALM 3-Drawer Chest as Essayed by an Addled Cormac McCarthy All Squatted and Mean in His Addlement

Preliminary Assembly Instructions for an IKEA MALM 3-Drawer Chest as Essayed by an Addled Cormac McCarthy All Squatted and Mean in His Addlement
By Rod Moody-Corbett

Previously Rejected

1. See the MALM. Her limbs are blonde and thin.

2. Strip forth of her corrugated cardboard chrysalis such leafings as pertain to some new genesis and upon whose pumiced vellum smiles one more hollow wordless scar of man.

3. Discard these.

4. Draw forth of your own vestment a flagon of peat and drink and suck of its wet as if to still the gulf of some long and godless passing.

5. Regard the MALM. Consider the MALM as such.

6. Cuddle to your palm all those emancipated dowels and washers and turnbuckle screws that would scamper long the warped and sloping tiles and thence into the very slatted dustsparked maw of your heat lest you corral them to your palm as mentioned afore thus.

7. This done, partake anew of the peat.

8. Get down to one knee and peg to the divoted ends and edges of all those of your birchy simulacrums bearing divots dowels and do delight in the pegging.

9. Rise.

10. Stopper what fleeing beads of labour might gather like frisky infants sinning on the furry bluff of your supraorbital ridge with the tattered cuff of your Barstow Western Denim chemise all tattered and mauled and heedless like the burned and dragging sinews of some illgotten child split dead over The Dell of the Fallen.

11. Sight those of your lumber unpegged and damn their dissonant symmetry.

12. Can I help?

13. Why dont you go on to hell.

14. Just wanted to see if you needed anything. I’m not trying to get you upset.

15. Yous done gone made me so.

16. Suffer what silent rebuke pours down upon you intelligent and mean with another snort of that fiery sap whose very puce vessel recalls the bog from whence it came.

17. Wed one abrupt plank to the hilt of a longer.

18. Divorce.

19. Unseat from the seams of the long those dowels that would cling to her scratchy warm suck as if by some bestial magnetism. 

20. Wed one longer and tippling to that primordial board that did of its own box come pegged.

21. Fuck.

22. Peat and repeat.


In the dawn there is a man progressing over a MALM by means of a hatchet. He kneels and squints down along the hollows in the MALM his adze has made. On the floor behind him are the wanderers in search of dowels and screws and those who do not search. To the runnels of dead MALM born cloven of his cudgeling arm he plugs sprigs of fluted birchbark and gorse and other such incendiaries of the genus Betula which he enkindles with a Ronson Jetlite Butane Lighter which has no inner reality. He regards the conception of the Visible MALM. All history present in that visage, the RAST the TARVA of the MALM. He strikes fire in the MALM. Then he moves on again.

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